Heart is still aching, still trying to recover but at times i just want to burst and just want to understand that why is this happening to me. Nope, i dont want to leave him as his my husband and i have to accept him for who he is.  And yes, i will be more clear if it happen again.  But sometimes i m just scared that he might do it again when i m not with him or i have fallen asleep.  I tried to sleep later than him but i just cant. I m just tired from everything and been dragging myself to work.  I know to forget all this i have to not say a shit about it anymore  but i just cant because im still angry with him. Like i dont know why he cant learn from his mistake.  Or he want me to do it to him then he knows how i feels?  Hais.  I dont know. All i know i want to be alone and just let me think and cry as much as i can.  But when can i even do that? Hais.




Hey myself,  hais how should i start?  This hurts alot.  Remember you mention about him cheating.  Hmm its still on going until last sunday.  I caught him again and this time i know what he actually do.  That hurts me alot, i was about to really leave him but i know i wasnt thinking clearly. I wasnt myself.  I told him if he do this again u better get ready to lose me bcos i m so done with u and i cant do this shit over n over again.  Hmm sometimes i feel like i hate him but i really dont.  Oh talking about feelings hais.  She did mention to not fall her but hais my heart thinks that he do like her and have so much feelings towards her.  Sometimes when we cuddle i always look at him and thinking why is he so quiet, what is he thinking of?  Is he thinking of her?  Hmmm.  I really dont know what i m doing is right or not.  Oh well i just have to always pretend, give those fake happiness and smile then.  This heart is not healing,  and its gonna take years.  Hais i m still scared that his gonna do this again sometime. I dont know ah.  I m too stress ah.  Hais.  I just hope he really do change ah.  Please ah change this is not funny or fun anymore.  Haissss. 

hey myself again, happy April fool to everyone whoever will be reading this. i know its april only but guess what?  i have been thinking about how to spend our wedding anni and bday since its like same month and the dates are just next to eachother. haha  So what i was planning to do for matthew is celebrate birthday for a trip to london so that we could meet his cousin darren and danial then we could go to man u stadium. I know he would love it but i have to see how cos i have to save like 3k to go there, maybe i shall do it for our 2nd anni thats if we are together ah. haha but i did make a plan with matthew to do a chalet for us and for sep-nov babies. i m still thinking which chalet i should do at though and should i invite my in laws? I should right so that they can bond together. i guess so tho. hais i want to blog but i keep singing on malay songs, sorry ah sis dah lama tak karaoke sia.