Dear Blogger,

I know i have no one that is reading this only my boyfriend unless i ask him too. This last month and this few days i felt so depress, sad, lost and confuse. Did not even feel happy, i dont know why. Baby accident really affect alot of things. Not trying to blame him but everything here is bcos of his accident. Things really change btwn us, why did i say that bcos our convo is getting lesser and lesser, argument and misunderstanding is always there, our trust is no more there, ego is getting bigger, meet up getting lesser even if i willing to go to his place. I m not sure to him if our relationship is getting apart but i really dont wish it really happen. Every night i cried for us thinking what can i do to make this relationship back but its just failed. I really missed how we used to be.  I dont care how we always text, how he reply me last time, short sentence and all cos everytime we meet theres always a happy moment. but now his words are getting shorter and whenever we meet up we did not have that much happy moment, we will end up fighting and get mad at eachother. I try to throw this ego off but it just cant cos whenever ego meets ego it will be fire. hais. I m really sad that our relationship is breaking down, i told him how i really felt but i dont know if he really care about it. Now he started to call me annoying, cos my lame stupid jokes he cant accept it anymore and my care and love become a misunderstanding to him. Whenever i scold him and say this and that his blaming his leg when its only making him feel uncomfortable. I always pray at night wishing him to recover soon and stay with me forever. But i really dont know what to do, i cant share all this to aishah cos later they say i only tell the sad n bad things about him. Sharing with him is no point cos i dont get anything from him. I dont know who i want to face all my feels too. I really have nobody to talk about all this feeling that keep hitting me. Blogger, i really love matthew. i never been this happy with someone before his accident. I just cant bare losing him. I need him back!I need my matthew baby back cos i fucking miss him. Please dont change cos i hate the way you are now. Everyday looking and watching his pic and video. haiss okey hi, sorry was crying badly. hahah! Alright where were me, oh i just pray that wherever you are whatever you do i m always gonna be in your heart and i miss you every second of it. I pray that you could be able to walk as soon as possible and lastly, to stay with me forever. Sayang, I love you so much! I really DO, I MISS YOU ! Please takecare. Good night XOXO