Hey you guys, i m back home from a long week at matt's house. I really had a great time with him. I really dont want to go home if can. Haha! Anw, I cant lie really i cant. Having him is wordless nothing can actually describe my feelings towards him. Even though he used to hurt me many time in many ways i could not hate him more. I m really am scared of losing him, his such a keeper sometimes. I just dont know why he dont really see that he mean too  much. This past day when i was with him he was acting like he was when he cheated/lied on me. I kept my feelings, i keep quite and doesnt talk to him when he ask me if i m ok i just had to lie. I was really sad that he been raising his voice and showing his unhappy face to me. But deep down i really want him to be there loving me. My feeling towards him are really mixed up. I dont really know how to say it. Sometimes i want to stay cos i really cant lose him and i want him to make me happy and not others but sometimes i just want to let him go cos i know i cant make him happy and i cant be with him cos of religious and he still want to have fun and find his right girl maybe? I dont know what his real feelings actually cos he never tell me what he really actually feel. Even if i asked he will just answer a word and say why must u ask all this bla bla. Knowing him almost two years, i learn alot about him but i dont know how to say it here. His loving and romantic at times but he does not know when to show, He stand up for himself, he will not only when he dont want things to drag. He lied to protect other people feelings when he knows that it was a wrong thing to do. His not selfish kinda guy, his willing if he can. Sometimes thinks about himself n not others. He have so many secret that his own girlfriend cant know and alot more. Matthew is a wonderful guy, whoever get him in future is lucky actually if you know him better but i really wish i m his first and last girl. Even his father bless us if we were to be married. I really thank him for loving me this long and letting me be a part of him. And i really want him to stay forever. I really love matthew so much!  Alright, i should stop you guys will get bored cos this post is about him haha! Anw follow....