Hey reader, hahaha! who read blogs? nobody! so Dear online dairy,

Currently my lappy is going to be gone soon as the keyboard is not good anymore and my screen part there is lose. Anyway i m here actually to put everything from my heart since i have no body to talk to and i dont want to share with matt cos i m scared i hurt his feeling. so baby, if your reading this i m so sorry! Okey i shall start now...

"Firstly, i love matt so badly and i dont want things to happen like how faris and i. What i mean was i use to love faris this much like what i m doing it to matt. I m trying to control my love towards someone tho but its just to hard. Secondly, i m just tooooo freaking tired of fighting and arguing on something small or stupid. Seriously why must we have that fight you know? I just want a loving couple that has soo much laughter and fun. Thirdly, all i want is just to have a nice convo rather then the same old things that we talk like 'have you eat, hows ur day, what you doing and all'. I want something random that we can have a long talk about that topic. Fourthly, i hate it when i have to do everything n guys always depends on girls. like i ask for his passport he take his on sweet time and say parents are asleep. if like that remind yourself to get it by the next day text them call them or whatever. i just dont like to chase cos its annoying. sorry!  Fifthly, i really wish even your busy or tired if u could make time for me, i would love that. I dont need the whole day with you as long i get to meet you i m okey. I just want to be by your side always you know. Its just the starting of the r/s, i just want the best part in r/s and be happy after a long time of getting hurt. We are not prefect but i know we both are strong. Everyday i told him i scared of losing him,

its true i am. I dont like him to be alone or whatever cos anyone can just look at him and like him. "I m scared" i really do. Every night i pray and cry for him to be my last, i know i m being so hush and blaming him its bcos i follow my way not urs. i m sorry for that tho. Matthew, you really mean smtg to me right now, please dont go no matter what."

Alright i hope i pour everything out, If not maybe next time will do ! Next week is coming soon. i cant wait for both pay to come in ; inspiria n marienhabs. I m gonna book our bali trip and i can shop and drop! Finally, i can get my new shoe, heels, dress, clothes, jeans, shorts. Just cant wait for that! Okey, i m gonna have my rest since tmr working. Good night guys!