Ola, since i have installed blogger on my phone i think i will be blogging more often. 

Hey guys, i know im not supposed to blog about other guys but hmm, last month i got to know this guy and we chatted. Omg! I fall for him cos he makes me smile whenever he texted me. He make me have hope in my life to be happy again. But sadly, we had to stop contacting and he deleted his telegram just to not be attached with me as his a married guy.  I cried for him for 4 days, yup! Well tbh , i known him only for 1week and he really make me feel a live, i have butterfly whenever i chat with him. His just different, i wanted to stop talking to him but he said goodbye first.  Hmm, i miss you if u ever read this blog dear. The last msg that you send me i will always remember and will do it ok? Please find me again if u need me. Im always here! Hmm i cant stop thinking of him. Really want to bump into him one day bcos we stayed 20min away. Hais!  I even try to find him in social but i just cant 

Today i crash for the first time after months cos someone asked me if my relationship was healthy or not and i had no idea until it hits me badly and i start to cry. I think the feeling is not going away, it will still have that small pcs that wants to stay. I have always been stalking that girl and see how shes doing. Oh i blame her and i blame him for this heart aches that will nvr ever heals. Currently crying behind him so he wont know. Thats what i could do the best. Oh allah give me the strength to make me strong and work this relationship. i will never know what i would do but leaving him is not one of my choices eventho i m always sick n tired of his stubbornness. I really wish i have someone to talk and just cry my lung out. Haiss. 



Heart is still aching, still trying to recover but at times i just want to burst and just want to understand that why is this happening to me. Nope, i dont want to leave him as his my husband and i have to accept him for who he is.  And yes, i will be more clear if it happen again.  But sometimes i m just scared that he might do it again when i m not with him or i have fallen asleep.  I tried to sleep later than him but i just cant. I m just tired from everything and been dragging myself to work.  I know to forget all this i have to not say a shit about it anymore  but i just cant because im still angry with him. Like i dont know why he cant learn from his mistake.  Or he want me to do it to him then he knows how i feels?  Hais.  I dont know. All i know i want to be alone and just let me think and cry as much as i can.  But when can i even do that? Hais.




Hey myself,  hais how should i start?  This hurts alot.  Remember you mention about him cheating.  Hmm its still on going until last sunday.  I caught him again and this time i know what he actually do.  That hurts me alot, i was about to really leave him but i know i wasnt thinking clearly. I wasnt myself.  I told him if he do this again u better get ready to lose me bcos i m so done with u and i cant do this shit over n over again.  Hmm sometimes i feel like i hate him but i really dont.  Oh talking about feelings hais.  She did mention to not fall her but hais my heart thinks that he do like her and have so much feelings towards her.  Sometimes when we cuddle i always look at him and thinking why is he so quiet, what is he thinking of?  Is he thinking of her?  Hmmm.  I really dont know what i m doing is right or not.  Oh well i just have to always pretend, give those fake happiness and smile then.  This heart is not healing,  and its gonna take years.  Hais i m still scared that his gonna do this again sometime. I dont know ah.  I m too stress ah.  Hais.  I just hope he really do change ah.  Please ah change this is not funny or fun anymore.  Haissss. 

hey myself again, happy April fool to everyone whoever will be reading this. i know its april only but guess what?  i have been thinking about how to spend our wedding anni and bday since its like same month and the dates are just next to eachother. haha  So what i was planning to do for matthew is celebrate birthday for a trip to london so that we could meet his cousin darren and danial then we could go to man u stadium. I know he would love it but i have to see how cos i have to save like 3k to go there, maybe i shall do it for our 2nd anni thats if we are together ah. haha but i did make a plan with matthew to do a chalet for us and for sep-nov babies. i m still thinking which chalet i should do at though and should i invite my in laws? I should right so that they can bond together. i guess so tho. hais i want to blog but i keep singing on malay songs, sorry ah sis dah lama tak karaoke sia.





Hello myself,  haha cos im the only person reads this blog.  So lets rants!  Firstly from my last blog i told you guys that i was gonna get engaged with matthew. Yup, i did.  So after getting engaged,  matthew went to get convert.  I was proud for him ofcos.  Alot of things happen to his family which i dont want to say it here cos seriously too many.  Haha!  After years getting engaged,  we got married at ROMM as we are saving money for the wedding ceremony . Its crazy la we spend like 16k total just for a day event. After month getting married things happen to us.  Remember i use to blog saying he cheated on me.  Ya he did it again, i have no idea what i should do this time but just to act normal when deep down i know I m crying badly and still feeling hurt.  I decided to blog today is to share my feeling.  So today all i do is sleep n watch shows on my phone but now when i was looking at picture on the wall the picture that we took on the nikah day.  I could see how happy we are, how happy i am with you bcos i thought you have stop all this shits but you did not.  This things happen when matthew resign from his work.  He went to ask a lady for her number who is engaged.  Hais.  Sometime i just wish i have a true friend where i could just share my feelings and just be there with me when i need them but none of my friends were actually there for me.


All i want to say that if you found someone that willing to do something beyond the limit you should treasure that person and keep them,  dont wait until you lose them then you come running back and begging that person to stay .

And to be in a relationship that its healthy you should always have commucation, love,  trust and dont not lie/cheat with your partner . Give them the attention that they deserve.

Okey done with that,  so life insyallah will be better.  Court case is done, slowly paying the laywer.  Change job to Apm, from fulltimer to parttimer. Got a house for us. Insyallah will have a baby for us.  And get rid all the stupid people in my life.  All i have now is just my family.


Thats all for now, i m gonna sleep now. Too sleepy typing.  Love you all,  wait love myself. 

Hey guuys,  its really long time i did not even update my blog huh? Maybe i been with life, so today i decided to blog cos i have a good news though. For my past blog i been ranting about matthew and me always fight and shits right? Lets get real every relationship theres always fighting and argument, so heres a good news we are getting engaged on our 3 years together.  I just cant wait! actually we dont want to engaged waste of money we want to get married but mom ask us to do so oh well. Wish us all the best then. Tmr working in the morning so lazyyyy! hais. you guys confirm wonder where i m working at now. Well i m working at Victoria Secret at MG , talking about VS guess what? one of the model is coming to SG. OMG! IM  SUPER EXCITED SIA! hahah. Anw last month we went to sydeny to meet matthew's father side omg they were so nice. i m glad they are that nice towards me. haha cant wait to be part of them . okey i want to sleep, will update again soon i hope. got to go cos i m working like i say earlier on. haha  good night guys. xoxo